Have you ever heard people say something along the lines of “You just need to get out of your own head..” meaning something along the lines of: you’re getting in your own way, you’re thinking too much about it, you’re caring too much, you’re stepping on your own toes, keeping yourself stuck, etc.
Well, how the eff do we go about “getting out of our own heads” when it’s the only one we really have? The only space we’ve ever lived in internally? The one brain we were given to live in and to support us along this crazy little thang we like to call life?
I was thinking about this last night and reflecting on some clients I’ve been working with.
Sometimes staying in our own headspace can make us feel stuck. It can make us feel limited, suffocated and EXHAUSTED.
When we stay stuck in our own headspace, it’s like we’re a little rat running on a wheel, living the same cycle, the same story, over and over again. It doesn’t really matter much if what we’re telling ourselves is true — or HAS to CONTINUE to be true, we just stay on the wheel. Because the wheel is what we know. The wheel is our comfort zone, safe space, subconscious habits, etc.
I think one way we can really get OUT of our heads (aka get out of our own way) is by actually taking a deep dive INTO our own heads.
I think the key to stepping off the fricken spinny wheel is by getting curious about what else exists in the world, by getting curious about what other stories we could tell ourselves that may be more helpful and more workable in our day to day lives.
Stick with me here — If I tell myself everyday that I’m ugly and no one is ever going to love me because of it, I’m probably going to keep to myself a lot more. I’m not likely to be outspoken, to try new things, to meet new to people or to even present myself as an available human being that other’s want to connect with! This story functions to protect me. It keeps me safe from ever putting myself out there. I don’t have to chance leaving the door open for rejection to come walking on in! However, I sacrifice A LOT by maintaining this story in my head. You know — things like love, joy, connection, fulfillment — those things. I miss them and I want them but I don’t want to go through the potentially harmful stuff to achieve those other things.
But WHYYYY? Does this belief that I’m ugly and never going to be loved by anyone HAVE to be my story? Do I need to be telling myself that story over and over again everyday? How is it helping me? Where is it not so helpful? Where’d that story come from? Why does my little head want so badly for me to believe it’s true? Is there anything else I could explore as an option to play on repeat in my own head? What other choices are out there for me today? Can I show myself some love and maybe insert a more helpful story or belief somewhere in there?
Ah, you see? By diving into it, by getting curious and exploring what’s happening in my own head, I can release from it. I can observe it and let it go. I can get intentional about what comes next or what happens next time I recognize I’ve hopped on the wheel. I create more space between myself and the initial thing keeping me stuck in my own head.